Who Needed the Kindness?

"The marriage will go", he said in anger.

"Well, let it go. It's not like there is a great one right now," she retorted. 

"Well, whatever is left of it will go."

"It doesn't matter. I don't want to go out with you and be snapped at constantly."

This was their 3rd fight since morning, and it was clear to her that their relationship was going downhill. She saw images of the future where they fought constantly, and their child started developing mental and physical health challenges as a result. 

She felt angry, for sure. But beneath it was hurt and sadness, which came out as tears and shook her with fury. Her throat felt tight, she felt nauseous, and she felt visceral fear in her stomach. 

She had anxiety. He knew that. She would need help in getting ready for the event. He knew that, too. And still, when she started worrying about it, he chose to snap at her. 

A volley of words followed, culminating in her “punishment” that she would not go out with him again.

"This is so disrespectful. He is always short with me—not only with me but with our daughter, too. I try so hard, but he never even tries." 

"I need him to be more compassionate with me, and I don't know how to make it happen." The storm inside her kept raging. 

A way back to kindness

Until she reached out for the magic glasses. Going into a meditative state, she put them on and prepared to be transported to an alternative reality, one where she did not think the stressful thoughts that gripped her in the moment of conflict. 

A woman frowning and stressed before, and smiling and radiant after using the "Magic glasses" - a metaphor for the Work of Byron Katie (AI generated image)

The scene in her mind rewound to the evening. She was worrying about getting late and he was responding. 

She heard him speak the same words. But this time, she could see that something had been off the past few days. But of course, something was off! He was on antibiotics, sleep-deprived because of a night cough, and not having the energy to do things that he liked. She felt warmth rushing over her cheeks and looked at him fondly as she would look at an errant toddler. 

"He is not always short with me. He is only short when he is sick or stressed. He is actually short on himself for lacking energy, and his impatience has overflowed with everyone around him the past week. In fact, I have been short with him so many times, like this morning."

However, could he not have been more compassionate? She continued to watch the scene through the glasses and was stunned that instead of caring for himself and resting, he was willing to go to the event - only for her !  

She felt a surge of compassion toward him, and all she wanted to do was help him. She had gone to events before. With just a little planning, she could do it now - for the both of them. Or worst case, they would arrive late, yet happy. 

"Thank you once again, magic glasses.". she said as she put them back in their case. 

"You made me see that whoever is hurting needs kindness too. Even if they are lashing out from the outside."

PS: "Magic glasses" are a metaphor for the Work of Byron Katie, a method of self-inquiry that helps us question our stressful thoughts and opens the doors to inner freedom and peace. 

If you are curious to know if the method will work for you, avail the FREE Taste for the Work here.